


Terminator (i'll be back)

by Monkeysrejoice



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: M/M, Tianshan - Freeform, it's a despedida mamasita
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 21:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19282015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monkeysrejoice/pseuds/Monkeysrejoice
Summary: He Tian leaves and doesn't say goodbye.





	Terminator (i'll be back)

**Author's Note:**

> oldxian keeps giving tianshan matching cartier love rings and im obsessed. that's it. that's the story.
> 
> im no good with angst lmaoooo lolololololol so this isn't angst. enjoy!

 

A pause. The conversation is slow and dragging, as if He Tian has the _time_ for it. He doesn’t, and the plane ready for him won’t be delayed any further because the car park outside is fast and the men inside it are _faster_. Fast with a car and a gun and a knife.

Faster than He Tian.

But in front of Guan Shan, He Tian’s heart is supersonic, and he thinks the blood pump and the adrenaline could last him enough so he can endure the pain and out-speed his father’s stupid fucking henchmen.

Just a little more time. The red suns of Guan Shan’s eyes look like they’re setting, sitting in a pool of quivering sea water. He Tian has to be there when the tears drop. Has to wipe his tears, has to hold him, has to laugh at him, has to cry with him. Has to _have_ him. _Just a little more time._

The car outside revvs once, twice, timer going off in alarm. He wants all the time in the world, but now all he has is a few more minutes.

He Tian’s heart stops as Guan Shan twists the platinum band off his finger, as if Guan Shan is pulling He Tian off his life support.

Guan Shan still doesn’t look at him, when he finally says something.

“This ring. You gave it to me,” Voice low and tired. “It’s mine.”

“It’s yours,” He Tian agrees. _So put it the fuck back on_ , he almost demands, but he’s learned by now. It doesn’t change the fact that He Tian is scared at what Guan Shan might say and what this action might mean.

He clings to the studs pierced through Guan Shan’s ear. Doesn’t speak what he wants to say.

_I’m yours._

And he wishes Guan Shan hears.

“Give me your hand.”

He Tian brings his left hand up. He looks at Guan Shan’s, which is empty on where He Tian made him wear their promise. The band on He Tian’s finger suddenly looks cold and lonely.

So the warmth is dizzying when Guan Shan finally fits their palms together. The soft pads of his fingers feel like a kitten’s paw, examining each of He Tian’s fingers one by one. He settles on his pinky, face impossibly red as his fingers clasps the length of it.

Guan Shan brings his ring up, and slides He Tian’s finger through it.

He Tian doesn’t understand the meaning of it.

For all that Guan Shan is crude and abrasive, little actions like this are his only eloquence. Purposeful, conveying meaning and depth in a world where all He Tian has ever known is only surface-deep.

The ring is snug on his little finger, searing hot from Guan Shan’s body temperature. As if it’s branding him. If Guan Shan is fire He Tian would let himself be licked by his flames and leave scars and blisters, just so he could feel light and warmth and _home._

And then Guan Shan removes He Tian’s own ring from his finger. A blink of an eye—accidental—and it is on Guan Shan’s pointer finger.

It will only fit on his thumb. He Tian is larger, his fingers have more bone to them. Maybe that’s why Guan Shan is clenching his fist—so the ring wouldn’t fall off.

Maybe it doesn’t mean he wants to punch He Tian, although he could do that and He Tian wouldn’t even flinch.

Maybe Guan Shan’s hand, shaking, clenching He Tian’s shirt now, doesn’t have to do with what He Tian is hearing and Guan Shan is not saying with his lips.

 “You have to return that. When you come back.”

And He Tian says, “Because it’s yours?”

“ _Yes._ And this one…your ring…” He raises his head. They look at each other.

_Ah, fuck._

_It’s those eyes._

Looking at He Tian, strong, and steady, unlike the quivering lips and clenched-up hands.

“ _Yours_ ,” Guan Shan might have been talking about the ring or himself, “I’m stealing it. So you have to take it back when you return.”

_When you return_. As if all of this is just part of his schedule and He Tian is just going on vacation. He looks at the ring on his little finger, wonders how it still has the warmth of another body.

Guan Shan had always left lasting impressions.

He Tian wants to fuck with him, just one last time, ask some sick joke about if Guan Shan is really that stupid to be acting like he’s sure He Tian will return. Being an asshole is a coping mechanism, and he’s never been so fucking scared of coming short from anyone’s expectations than right now.

His phone is buzzing like it’s challenging the speed of He Tian’s heart, but fuck it. _Just a few more minutes._

His heart is about to break out his ribcage, making his throat close up.

“I’ll be back for it,” _I’ll be back for you,_ “When I return.”

And everything happens like keys on ignition and foot on the pedal, lurching forward and zooming fast, reducing the world into a smear of lights and colors that He Tian feels with his lips and tastes with his tongue. The collision is soft and full and dizzying but not _enough,_ and Guan Shan tastes like sichuan spice and mandarin _._ He Tian pushes deeper, and Guan Shan gives but not sincerely, holding back, and He Tian knows why.

They part, then meet again. The second time is short, fleeting, a brush of a feather. He Tian is Lazarus and Guan Shan is the drop of water from heaven.

His hands find the rise of Guan Shan’s cheekbones, flushed and warm.

“Don’t say goodbye,” Guan Shan says.

For a third time, Guan Shan swifts past his lips. He Tian doesn’t— _can’t_ —stop himself when he brings the redhead in, tucks his head at the juncture of his shoulder, and _breathes_. Inhales. Lets his arms reach the small of Guan Shan’s back.

Guan Shan feels soft and He Tian feels so fucking unready.

Everything that matters is right between his arms right now.

_Why the fuck should I ever let go?_

He thinks of He Cheng and his promises. He thinks of _trust._ He thinks of of certainties and chances, how the future is chance but trust and promises can make it certain. He thinks of a future with Guan Shan.

_I love you_ , He Tian says.

In the end, He Cheng had always kept his promise. They both know what He Tian will do if he stops doing that now, when it matters the most.

The door beeps open and He Tian doesn’t wait for it. Tries to ignore the wet patch on his shirt, where Guan Shan's face had been buried. He doesn’t look back.

_I love you,_ they say and don’t speak and somehow _hear_.

They don’t say goodbye.  

**Author's Note:**

> epilogue is that guan shan corded the ring into a necklace. you know those stainless beady ones used in dogtags? the one in old xian's art? because i'm addicted to them? yes 
> 
> lmao congrats if you made it this far haha. thanks for reading!


End file.
